FEMA Chapter 3

FEMA Chapter 3

Kyle wasn’t going to press charges, his mom Sue is now a full fledge member of FEMA even though she is 10 years younger and still works part time.

Kyle’s dad passed away a couple years back, he was a truck driver making deliveries all over the state of Michigan. Sue was working at the school in the lunch room serving kids their meals, Kyle had already graduated high school and was taking classes at the community college said he wanted to be a cop. I am not sure with his hot head it is a profession for him but who am I to say, he may actually mellow out and become a good cop.

Well the day Kyle’s dad passed it snowed like crazy, the county trucks do their best to clear the streets, sometimes light film of snow left from scraping can ice over, warms up from the sun then when the sun goes down the road can be treacherous, Mike, that’s Kyle’s dad was coming back from the UP, fog started to settle in, you know the icy fog in winter, some ding bat passed him on the expressway, pulled in front of him just as someone slammed on the breaks , making the ding bat slam on his breaks, which did not give Mikes rig a chance to slow down, plowed right into the ding bat, sent him sailing into the culvert, Mikes dads rig flipped on its side slid down into the culvert on top of the ding bat, the cargo Mike was carrying fish tailed and slid in a horrid flip landing on top of the cab of Mike’s truck. Sue told us girls since then Kyle has had a chip on his shoulder, sullen and angry.

As Sue was finishing telling us this about her late husband Mike, Rose walked in sat down heavily next to Sue.

“Hey little one why the long face someone steal your glitter lipstick? ”I asked

She smiled slightly and said “No Christine, Kyle’s been in a foul mood lately, he does that this time of year, gets drunk, pouts, yells a lot, tonight he got right in my face; yelling about where I put the remote, that I should never move the remote. When I clean I put the remote in the drawer next to the chair he sits in, he knows that, but when he gets like this there is no talking to him.”

Sue asked “Rose he never lays hands on you does he?”

“No Sue but sometimes he scares me enough to think he just might, like tonight getting in my face backing me against the counter.”

Ruth spoke up “I think that young man needs an attitude adjustment, we should do it Jeff’s style Christine.”

We were ruminating on that idea, as I told Sue and Rose about my late husband Jeff, he was a Marine Sargent spent time in Vietnam, came back as an instructor finishing his 30 years, lost his life 4 years ago, Mesothelioma. Jeff was keen on hunting he would take me with him full camo, makeup and all. I remember how badly that stuff itched, but we both would get our deer, and enjoyed venison for the good part of the year.

Sue asked Ruth “So what were you thinking Ruth, how would you want to do this?”

Ruth answered “We get all geared up, camo, makeup, and sneak into Kyle’s bedroom while he is asleep, surround his bed, we say in unison Kyle if you do not get your shit together next time we have to come back here because you scared the shit out of your girlfriend we will duct tape you to the mail box with a sign that says BULLY.

We all started to laugh had a few more beers, next thing you know we were all at my place getting dressed into what camo I had, putting the dark green cream and black, on our faces, we had to tuck our Q-tip colored hair under black knit caps,  Sue and Rose did the same. While we were trying to be quiet walking down the street to Kyle and Roses house, cute bungalow rental, 2 blocks from my place. Rose opened the back door with her key, still trying to be quiet, someone and I will not name names let out the loudest fart, and the stench was near unbearable, we were doing our best not to giggle, I had to pee like a race horse. We surround the bed and said in unison “Kyle if you do not get your shit together next time we have to come back here because you scared the shit out of your girlfriend we will duct tape you to the mail box with a sign that says BULLY.”

Or something close to that, Kyle woke up screaming “Oh mother F***er” he then jumped up pointed his finger in my face and said “I am having you crazy broads arrested this time it is breaking and entering.”

I said “Well girls I guess our makeup is not good enough he recognized us.”

Sue spoke up and said “Oh Kyle you will do no such a thing.”

Kyle’s had a surprised look as he commented “Mom what the hell?”

Sue said “Well they were right Kyle you should never get in my face and scare the shit out of me”

Kyle was now flailing his arms saying “Jesus H Christ Rose?”

Next day the sheriff had us in his office and said “Ladies, what can I do or say to get you to behave yourselves, Kyle is not pressing charges, but seriously take it down a notch.”

I spoke up “Sheriff it was an intervention that boy needs to cool his jets.”

Sheriff seemed miffed when he pointed his finger in my face and said “Now Christine I know how you are, also I remember and respected your husband Jeff, but if Kyle ever decides to press charges there will be nothing I can do.”

Sue said “He will never press charges against his mom and I am now a full fledge member of FEMA”

The Sheriff placed his hands on his face shaking his head and said “Have a nice day ladies, and please keep your festivities to the minimum.”



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