A day to myself

Today started like any other day. Coffee in hand I Stumble through the living room, bleary-eyed wondering if the coffee will kick in soon. Not wanting to go to work not really wanting to just stay home. Adventure is what I need.

As I sat drinking my coffee trying to determine who I was going to call to add to my adventure. I had considered my friend Rose but I remembered she had other plans. Then I decided it was time for me to strike out on my own. I called into work and left a message for my boss telling him that I was taking a vacation day. Next, I showered grabbed another coffee took my time dressing and doing my hair. I decided, this time, I would just get in the car and drive. Keys in hand, I’m out the door. My first stop is the gas station to top off the tank get a water. Next, I go north and just keep driving when something interesting pops up I will stop and hang out.

It took about an hour to get out of the familiar views. Soon everything changed as the trees sped by my window I let out a breath and realized this was a good decision.

It has been a long time since I’ve been North probably since I was a kid when my parents used to do this very thing we would just get in the car and drive. My mom would always pack a picnic or at least lunch and treats depending upon how long they had decided to drive.

For me, part of my adventure will be deciding where to stop for lunch. I pulled out my phone called work again letting them know I’m taking two days this is feeling way too good I have decided I will spend the night somewhere.

I took the next exit coming up in 1 mile. Here is a good place to get off. Pulling onto the exit ramp I needed to make a decision, go right or left. I chose right. This took me to Rose City. Now my stomach is telling me I should have had breakfast to go with my coffee. Up ahead Rose City is coming into view. I passed the Rose City Greenhouse. At the light in the center of town, I noticed a Randy’s Restaurant and Bakery that serves food. Small town feel, with alluring scents of cinnamon, fresh bread. If I stay here too long I will get fat.

After leaving this home away from home lure, I decided instead of north, I would backtrack and go West. It reminded me of a Toby Kieth song a parcel of the lyric is ‘go west young man.’ I figure since it is playing on my DVD player it could sound out my heart. ‘go west young woman’

Westward I went. Until I hit Saint Helen. No place to stay in the Inn, where to now? I stopped at a nature preserved fed the albino deer corn which was there for purchase. Sat and stared awhile, wondering what I was doing and where I was going.

I have been divorced for a year. The marriage did not end badly, amicable for the moment. I say for the moment because I left as soon as I felt safe to leave. Andrew, who somehow I still crave, was a relentless controlling, manipulative, abusive husband. I know many say ‘why do they stay’ and ‘those who stay must like it’ I stayed because I love. Or because my love is enabling. Or because. I have a Ph.D. and other alphabetical degrees. I stayed. Not because I am uneducated, nor because I am naive. Is it more complicated than that? I do not know. Who knows when you are in the midst of it. It is what it is. Yes, I can sit down and talk to a therapist and delve into my childhood. Did I love my mother? Did I like my father? But I say ask them that perpetrate the abuse. Ask the one who perpetrates the abuse. Ask them why!

Sorry to babble on like this. This road trip was needful. I need to regroup. Seems I have been part of the equation. The percentages say second marriages end in divorce because you will choose the same sort. What is scary about that is, not only will those who chose to be with those who abuse. It also suggests those who abuse tend to choose those who are likely not to resist the abuse?

All that is rattling around my head. Thus the reason to get away. I met someone. He is a Vietnam vet. My big door bell ring (this should tell me to run) he is PTSD certified. Is this not looking like failure or understanding?

I need to roll, think things through and analyze my options. It is getting late I need to decide where to stay for the night. I am not used to driving country roads. No street lights it is darker than dark. My headlights caught something fleeing my beam.

Roscommon county: Accident on county road 100

by Christine Swiderski

A car with an unidentified woman traveling late at night on August 31st crossed the center line in the path of oncoming traffic. The large truck hauling logs could not stop in time nor swerve to miss the Ford Taurus. The passenger was dead on the scene. More details will become available.

Website- more short stories and poems

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Is there a time

Is there a time

To stop loving?

Bring back the days

when love was free

Each kiss was simple and pure

Brought together with the truth of love

Grant these lips that simple pleasure

Have our hearts and souls caress.

Our lives are joined with love

Lips treasure the taste

As the skin treasures the touch

At the sunset of our lives

We will be joined for eternity.

short stories and poems-my website

Only in my dreams

In the night’s silence

My dreams are true

whisking me beyond

my limitations are staggering

Freedom in my dreams

transports me to greatness

Love and sex, wild and satisfying

.Reality in the morning

Causes me to double clutch tears

Believing I have no other choices

I succumb to my fears

Stepping out into a cold cruel world

The haze and maze of despair

Beckons me back to my bed

Relive the dreams in my head

I am forced to walk through reality

Until the night darkens my path

Draws me back into my sleepy retreat

WEBSITE

 

 

Grasp

pond before the rain.jpg

Grasp

As you come into this world

Screaming your discomfort

Grasp the edge of this world

Hang on for dear life

There are times it spins slowly

Other times it spins out of control

Meander during the slow spin

enjoy it’s beauty and peace

Grasp the edge of this world

during those times

When it spins out of control

Life’s merry go round

Leaves many dizzy and nauseous

Especially those ill prepared

Grasp the edge of this world

leaving the control

Up to the one who created it

This will relieve the dizzying effect

Calming the nauseous soul

Grasp the edge of his garment

Hallowing it’s Tizitzit

Christine writes website

When Darkness Falls

When darkness falls

When darkness falls upon the heart of man

Light diminishes in the land

thrones of sulfur pulsates within

Hate’s aggressions destroys the land

Owners, freethinkers forfeit their rights

With every dark heart that ignites

How do we put out the blaze

Families of the soulless maze?

Politicians with a cause?

Promising a pocket full of miracles?

Is this the answer?

Or something fancier?

Shall we press back again

Speaking the truth from above

Tell all to love

Judging each man

By the integrity of his plan

Starting in our own mirror

the glare will be clearer

Taking that wisdom to

The politicians who knew better

There is no right in wrong

It is part of the throng

Holding them responsible

For the trouble they cause

Holstering our fear and rage

Let honesty take the stage.

Integrity is in the putting

Not in the shooting

Take back our streets

One harden soul each time we meet.

Website

Magic Carpet Ride

Magic Carpet Ride

Tassels, and beads webbed design

In minds eye colorful dreams

Escaping to the mountain

That holds the rainbows dreams

Hyper thoughts creative juices

creating art from words

Paint the picture set before

the thirsty eyes of a reader

Transport their souls

Upon this Magic Carpet Ride

Drama of love and romance

sprinkle in loss and intrigue

Glue them to the main character

whisk them away within this world

The adventure of make believe

Convince them that it’s real

Cause them to cry, laugh and yell

All on the same page

Yes bring into their minds

As the tassels tickle their funny bone

Beads of sweat rise to the crescendo

alas settle them on the fabric of words

Hoping they will enjoy

The magic carpet ride.

Just a note to those who follow this blog

Many times there are special people who come into your life. They either inspire you or encourage you. Fred(is a therapy dog) and I have been visiting an elder lady for about 6 months. We talk about everything. She has such a great since of humor even about the things she can’t remember. Her favorite line is “Must not have been important.”

Recently I spoke of my son and his wife, showed her my granddaughter’s photo. She asked where they lived. I told her, as it turns out she grew up there. So I talked her through each street, the county building, downtown. She shared what she remembered of the town. Near the end of our conversation she told me her birthday is tomorrow. I asked her how old she is. She said she did not know but she does remember she was born in 1932. She is 21 years older than I am. 84 years old. Nary a negative thing to say.

As Fred and I were walking her back to her room I said “I want to be you when I grow up.”

She said “No! you want to be better! You want to still walk your dog.”

She adores Fred. I love this lady.

One day when we were talking she asked me what I did for a living. I told her about the time I owned a nail salon. I told her that I found out at age 59 I was dyslexic. After I caught her up to the present time. Explaining to her what blogging is and how I started writing short stories and poems. Told her a friend talked me into writing a book and self-publishing it. We laughed at the fact I could not stop myself I wrote and self-published 5 books that have only sold 6 copies, I gave away 4 books. No one has read yet. I share with her that now I am writing for a small paper hoping to learn enough to move to a more circulated paper.

Her advise to me was “keep writing even if no one reads or responds. That is a gift you give yourself and your granddaughter who may turn out to be dyslexic as well. You reached for the moon. She can too.”

I love this lady.

Channel Surfing

My grandmother used to call channel surfing ‘people who cannot make up their mind what they want or believe’. I never quite understood that until I moved in next to the Fosters. Herman Foster grabs the remote and never relinquishes control. I can hear Flo moan with annoying disbelief as he surfs through the channels in a delirious repetition. I know this, due to the fact Flo will push through the screen door and fling herself out onto the porch. There have been evenings when I am sitting out in my garden listening to cicadas and drinking a brew. Flo meanders over and joins me.

 

One particular night I heard the moan, I had an impulse to walk over and ask Flo to come out and sit with me. I am glad I did not give into that urge. Instead of Flo flinging herself out of the back door I witnessed the lights flicker in the house. Not just on and off, more like aliens were visiting. The flickering overflowed through the windows and illuminated the shrubs. I was not sure what was going on. I was sure I did not want to be apart of it.

 

When the screen door opened, it was not Flo coming through it. Herman was propelled through the door and landed in the potted cactus. Flo screamed: “Stay there till you rot!”

Herman’s large mass did not move. I heard hissing, in the dim light, I saw something move on the porch. Not Herman, something small, scooting across and down the steps. At this point, I went into the house and called 911.

 

When the woman on the other line asked what my emergency was, my statement was imperfect because I was not quite sure what my emergency was. Just instinct telling me something finally snapped while Herman was channel surfing.

 

The patrolman said “You were right to call mam. Herman should make it. The snake bite was not poisonous but the remote will have to be removed, and the bleeding stopped. His heart will be monitored due to the stress.”

Should have stayed home

Life sometimes seems to drag on like a sled accident in slow motion just before you hit the tree. All the planning in the world will not prepare you what is in store. Sometimes you wished you had rented a video, sat in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn instead of going to the bar that night.

I remember telling myself as I pulled into the parking lot, “I should go to the gym instead.” I did not heed the warning. The place was packed. My best friend and her boyfriend were there with someone they wanted me to meet.

He seemed nice enough. Sheila’s boyfriend Mark has a convertible, that is why I suggested we go for a drive on this warm summers night instead of being in a loud bar. My first warning that this guy was not for me. He told Mark not to put the top down it would mess up his hair. I laughed figuring he was kidding. He was not. Mark ignored him thank goodness and put the top down. We drove, listened to music and talked. Everyone talked except Kevin. Kevin just sat with his hands fisted in his lap. When this night is over I am going to ask Sheila why she thought this guy was special. He is like a fungus. You have it and have a hard time getting rid of it.

Mark turn down a dirt road, it’s known for it’s secluded steam. This is where most of the county comes during the day to fish for trout. At night we go to wade through the water. It is not deep enough to swim in. Only calf deep.

I never saw it coming. Kevin seemed sullen like a petulant child because Mark did not listen to his command. The rock hit Mark full force at the back of his head. He went down quickly. I glance at Sheila as she raised her hands in defense. I was kneeling next to Mark to see if he was okay. He was not. Grabbing his keys, I came up sharply hitting Kevin in the stomach. He fell back, landing on his back. The sound I heard was that of someone having the wind knocked out of him.

I ran to the car started it just as Kevin threw the rock through the windshield. I did not allow it to slow me down. I lunged forward knocking Kevin to the ground. I could see in the headlights Sheila was still moving. I pulled over to her. Jumped out, hauled her into the car. In the rear-view mirror, I could see Kevin starting towards us. I backed out with a furry hoping to mow him down. He jumped out of the way just in time.

Sheila was crying repeating over and over “I am sorry, he was Mark’s friend. Is Mark alright? Should we go back for him?” She was delirious.

As I pulled into the police parking lot I told Sheila to stay in the car I was going inside to make out a report. When I came back to the car there was an ambulance taking Sheila away. An officer approached asking if this was my car. I told him what had happened. He told me to wait inside. I said I wanted to be with my friend. The officer escorted me back inside the police station telling me there was nothing I could do for my friend.

By 6 am the next morning a detective came and sat alongside me. He told me my friend Sheila had died of a blood clot to the brain. He said it happens many times with head injuries. He also said that officers combed the area where I said this all happened. They did not find Mark nor Kevin.

I sit here in my home wondering if I am safe.

Conclusion

It was a colossal mistake going out to the bar that night. My best friend Sheila is now dead by the hands of my blind date Kevin. I know Mark is dead but no body no crime. Kevin is in the wind. Here I sit on a plastic chair in my new home. I changed my last name to my mother’s maiden name. It seems strange to be called Laura Kaminski. My boss was very understanding when I told him I needed to relocate. The police searched for Mark and Kevin and found only clothing but nobody and no Kevin.

The company I work for has a subsidiary in Canada. Quick observation out my window, would make you think is was a large city in the States. I did a frantic search for a place to rent, battled the legalities of changing my name. I never realized how difficult it was to get a passport, change the name on all my bank accounts, credit cards. What an ordeal. The good thing is I did meet a great guy. Mike Taylor. Mike works for the same company as I do. He is based just over the bridge in Port Huron Michigan. We see each other on weekends and speak every day. I am not sure where it is going but I am enjoying the ride.

Tonight is date night. I finally have furniture being delivered. I went to the market, bought all the fixings for an Italian dinner. Lasagne, salad, wine, and Biscotti for dessert. I have been productive while at my new office. The uppity higher ups have taken notice. There are some mumblings about giving me a new position in the company. I am all for a bump in salary. Mike will be here shortly. I need to get myself in gear. After I put the plastic chair on my small balcony, I decided to jump in the shower and make myself presentable.

Stepping out I could smell the lasagna. My stomach beckoned its aroma. Looking into the mirror the image I saw was someone quite different than the girl 6 months ago. Fear changes you. Especially the paranoia that comes with knowing there is a murderer out there probably wanting to find you and silence you.

I had just finished dressing and slathering the last coat of mascara across my lashes when I heard the key in the lock. Mike has arrived. My heart and loins filled with anticipation.

What I found when I stepped out of the bedroom was far from my fantasy date. It was the nightmare that moved me into another country. I stood transfixed. Kevin smiled and said hello. My brain was working so fast I did not realize I was actually moving. Kevin walked slowly over to me. My right hand was slightly behind me near my buttocks. I stepped forward and slightly over to the right. My fingers worked the small drawer of the end table. I felt the cold steel, grasped it and smiled at Kevin. Slowly bringing it around to the front of me, flicking the safety from off to on. Raising the gun, pointing at Kevin I said “Hi”

Kevin smiled broader and said “There is no way you have what it takes to use that gun.”

I said “Bet your life on it?”

Glancing behind Kevin I saw Mike step into the room. Again things happened in slow motion. I was not sure what to do. If I shot Kevin I could hit Mike. Mike stood for a moment and I said “Mike let me introduce you to Kevin. Kevin killed Mark and Sheila”

Mike said “He also broke into my apartment and stole the keys. I have surveillance to prove it. The police are on their way.”

I did not trust this situation. Experience has proven that Kevin is capable of anything. In a split second, Kevin’s arm came around to grab me. The gun went off. The sound was so loud near deafening. When my vision cleared, Kevin was on the floor and so was Mike. I jumped over Kevin, falling on my knees near Mike’s head.

Mike pushed up and said “Holy shit!”

I cried “You’re alright?”

Mike said: “ Yep when I see a girl with a gun I lay flat as I can.”

I laughed and said: “Dinner is nearly ready.”

We were holding each other when the police arrived. I am glad it is over.

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