Today started like any other day. Coffee in hand I Stumble through the living room, bleary-eyed wondering if the coffee will kick in soon. Not wanting to go to work not really wanting to just stay home. Adventure is what I need.
As I sat drinking my coffee trying to determine who I was going to call to add to my adventure. I had considered my friend Rose but I remembered she had other plans. Then I decided it was time for me to strike out on my own. I called into work and left a message for my boss telling him that I was taking a vacation day. Next, I showered grabbed another coffee took my time dressing and doing my hair. I decided, this time, I would just get in the car and drive. Keys in hand, I’m out the door. My first stop is the gas station to top off the tank get a water. Next, I go north and just keep driving when something interesting pops up I will stop and hang out.
It took about an hour to get out of the familiar views. Soon everything changed as the trees sped by my window I let out a breath and realized this was a good decision.
It has been a long time since I’ve been North probably since I was a kid when my parents used to do this very thing we would just get in the car and drive. My mom would always pack a picnic or at least lunch and treats depending upon how long they had decided to drive.
For me, part of my adventure will be deciding where to stop for lunch. I pulled out my phone called work again letting them know I’m taking two days this is feeling way too good I have decided I will spend the night somewhere.
I took the next exit coming up in 1 mile. Here is a good place to get off. Pulling onto the exit ramp I needed to make a decision, go right or left. I chose right. This took me to Rose City. Now my stomach is telling me I should have had breakfast to go with my coffee. Up ahead Rose City is coming into view. I passed the Rose City Greenhouse. At the light in the center of town, I noticed a Randy’s Restaurant and Bakery that serves food. Small town feel, with alluring scents of cinnamon, fresh bread. If I stay here too long I will get fat.
After leaving this home away from home lure, I decided instead of north, I would backtrack and go West. It reminded me of a Toby Kieth song a parcel of the lyric is ‘go west young man.’ I figure since it is playing on my DVD player it could sound out my heart. ‘go west young woman’
Westward I went. Until I hit Saint Helen. No place to stay in the Inn, where to now? I stopped at a nature preserved fed the albino deer corn which was there for purchase. Sat and stared awhile, wondering what I was doing and where I was going.
I have been divorced for a year. The marriage did not end badly, amicable for the moment. I say for the moment because I left as soon as I felt safe to leave. Andrew, who somehow I still crave, was a relentless controlling, manipulative, abusive husband. I know many say ‘why do they stay’ and ‘those who stay must like it’ I stayed because I love. Or because my love is enabling. Or because. I have a Ph.D. and other alphabetical degrees. I stayed. Not because I am uneducated, nor because I am naive. Is it more complicated than that? I do not know. Who knows when you are in the midst of it. It is what it is. Yes, I can sit down and talk to a therapist and delve into my childhood. Did I love my mother? Did I like my father? But I say ask them that perpetrate the abuse. Ask the one who perpetrates the abuse. Ask them why!
Sorry to babble on like this. This road trip was needful. I need to regroup. Seems I have been part of the equation. The percentages say second marriages end in divorce because you will choose the same sort. What is scary about that is, not only will those who chose to be with those who abuse. It also suggests those who abuse tend to choose those who are likely not to resist the abuse?
All that is rattling around my head. Thus the reason to get away. I met someone. He is a Vietnam vet. My big door bell ring (this should tell me to run) he is PTSD certified. Is this not looking like failure or understanding?
I need to roll, think things through and analyze my options. It is getting late I need to decide where to stay for the night. I am not used to driving country roads. No street lights it is darker than dark. My headlights caught something fleeing my beam.
Roscommon county: Accident on county road 100
by Christine Swiderski
A car with an unidentified woman traveling late at night on August 31st crossed the center line in the path of oncoming traffic. The large truck hauling logs could not stop in time nor swerve to miss the Ford Taurus. The passenger was dead on the scene. More details will become available.