As a Whisper 

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As a whisper, you adhere to limbs

the child in me wants angeld
you are the first of the seasonwritten in the snow

changing my landscape

letting me know

to be a child

Tip my head back

stick out my tongue

you will kiss it

with your cool moisture

I would not have noticed you

unless I looked for you

as love is in the air

your coolness is a breath 

of freshness

No howling today with winds a flurry

Just a whispered  touch

Brings brightness to the desolate limbs

as love brings hope to the heart.

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Slippery Slope

Complacent citizenry

Corrupts the Congressperson

collecting a corrosive consensus 

Conceding their constitution

Contributing to corruption

Clearing the course

Collapsing the core

Consenting to Chaos

Treacherous steps

Falling into the shadows

Stepping forward becomes a stumble

Each memory stabs the soul

A new day still brings leaves of drifting pain

Broken promises harsh realities

Celebrating diverse predators claw

Yet millions of viewers begets applause

Empowering the treacherous evil hearts

devouring the innocent

feeding the hungry for fame

Each is a delicacy to make a name

Yet some run away maimed

Buck Chapter 3

Buck Chapter 3
I did not like keeping a secret from my parents but both Buck and I was worried they would not continue to pay for my schooling if they knew. One night when Buck came to see me my dad walked in my room.

Dad Yelled: “Buck if you think you are going to disgrace my daughter in my house you have another thing coming.”

Buck responded: “Sir we have been married for a month.”

My stomach stirred I ran to the bathroom and threw up. Damn I know it was not just nerves. My dad walked to the bathroom and closed the door.

I heard muffled conversation my hacking was too loud to make out what they were saying.

I came out my mom had brought up some tea Buck was sitting up in bed and asked: “Are you okay?”

“Yes, Buck I think I might be pregnant,” I said

Buck took in a breath; I crawled into bed and laid my head on his lap. He stroked my hair and said: “Don’t worry darlin we can make this work.”

The next morning instead of Buck crawling through the window we went down stairs my mom was making breakfast she knows how early a farmer needs to get up. Bless her heart dad came out blurry eyes sat down with a cup of coffee. His voice still sounded sleepy.

My mom was the first to speak: “You two kids, I don’t get why did you not trust us enough to tell us you were married let alone let us be a part of it?”

I said: “We were worried that you would be mad and not continue to pay for my schooling.”

My dad said: “We only want the best for you two. We knew since you were in middle school you two would be together. Buck knows how I feel about farming. It is a profession only real men can tolerate. I am proud he will continue his family’s tradition. I am proud you want to be a Vet. As a lawyer, I can well afford to pay for your college and we have the cottage on Gains road you two can have. Instead of Buck climbing through the window. The commute to the farm is closer.”

Mom said: “I will take care of the baby once it’s here while you are in school.”

Buck and I were amazed and grateful for their love and support. 

We moved into the cottage that following weekend. Now I had to be a wife which meant finding time to cook and clean and still do my homework. Bucks aunt was a blessing she would bring over casseroles and such for dinners, she made Buck lunch my biggest duty was breakfast and the first few months of my pregnancy eggs made me hurl. But I managed.

Winter came Buck was nervous about me driving my due date was April my stomach got in the way of the steering wheel when I dropped something I had to pick it up on an angle. Every night Buck spoke to our little boy his name is William Buck Karten.  I realize we will have our hands full if William will be the same free spirit as Buck. I sure hope he has more sense while he is growing up. 

I am saddened that Buck’s mom and dad don’t want to be apart of our lives they were fed up with Buck and his lawlessness as they called it. Buck’s Aunt Mary was more of a mom to Buck than his own mom. Some boys learn to be men in different ways and at different speeds. Buck tried to do everything a mach speed.

Buck Chapter 2

Buck Chapter 2
“Buck I got buck shot up my ass and it hurts like the dickens!” I protested

He laughed and said: “I will take you to my cousin Mitch he can take it out.”

I said: “He is a Veterinarian!”

Buck looked at me as he squirmed and drove, I did not sit my legs were aching but I refused to sit. 

“Here we are I will call to let him know why we are here and we can meet him in the office,” Buck said

Mitch came out shirtless in a pair of jeans shaking his head yelling: “Buck you son of a gun what have you gotten Morgan into now?”

While he was gently taking the buckshot out of my ass Buck told him what had happened. Mitch said: “Buck you need to settle down and decide what kind of man you are going to be. You are too big to be playing the fool. After a while, Morgan will figure out she can do better.”

I said: “That’s right Buck you have gone too far this time.”

I did not mean it he was my Buck I would probably put buckshot in another girls butt if she tried to step into my place with Buck. 

When I got home I showered and went right to bed. I placed a pillow under my knees hoping it would lift the bottom portion of my bottom off of the mattress. 

Buck did not call the next day. I was surprised and angry at myself. I should not have said what I did. It was a week before 

I called Mitch and asked if he had heard from Buck he said: “No, give him some time Morgan his behind was bruised as well as his ego. He will come around.”

I know he was right but I was worried I was too harsh. My dad asked: “Did you and Buck have a beef? I haven’t seen the dust stirred up in a while.”

I work for and with Mitch, I will be starting Veterinary school this fall, for me, I know it’s a calling I can’t imagine, not knowing what your life work should be. I am guessing and hoping Buck is taking this time to figure things out for himself. 

It was two weeks before I heard from Buck, I had already gone to bed when I heard a tap at my bedroom window. Buck was sitting on a tree limb just outside my window. I opened the window and popped the screen out to let him in. 

He climbed through the window and climbed into my bed we held each other and whispered:

“Morgan I have decided what I want to do with myself it doesn’t make much money and it will be a hard life but I can’t imagine doing anything else. I want to farm. My uncle Mason and I have talked it over since Mitch is doing what he loves Uncle Mason wants the farm to go to the family. I will be that family. I have been working it with him on and off since I was old enough to drive a tractor. These past two weeks I have been doing it full time. That means we will not have as much time to get into trouble. That may be a plus no more buckshot.” Buck said

“Well Buck I love that you want to farm once I get my degree I can take care of the livestock and critters we could make a team. I love you, Buck.” I said

“Morgan I love you and I meant it when I said I wanted to marry you. After you finish school we will get married.” Buck said

“I want to marry you Buck but I don’t want a fancy wedding not even a barn wedding how about we get married and not tell anyone just you and me, Gloria and Jason as our witnesses,” I said

“How about doing it before you go to school? I can sneak away telling Uncle Mason I have an appointment and I can meet you at the court house.” Buck said

We were married on a Tuesday and did not tell anyone just yet. School started on Thursday. I have to drive one hour a day to and from it will be a long 4 years I already have my Bachelors degree so now I just need to finish Veterinary school.

Busy days 

Dadwithoutpaws had surgery on his foot. Today Momwithoutpaws and I have to visit our elders and do all the errands dadwithoutpaws usually does. 

Also I might be able to do home visits. Momwithoutpaws did an article about a man who carves wood. His name is Bob. Bob won a gold metal for his King Arthur’s Castle. Bob’s wife has Dementia. Bob wants to meet me first. I will win him over. 

This is Camelot 

Wine glass 

Wine glass
Clear with a ring to it
Lips leave an imprint
Edge crisp nearly cutting
Drawing it’s blood like elxyir
Fermented reasoning
Draws you deep into its grasp
Will this hold last.
Breath steams a song and dance
Is this love or one night chance

The Sheltered Life

Sheltered Life

Nellie and I grew up on the same street. Not a city street, more of a country street they differ from a country road in that each parcel is 5 to 10 acres as oppose to 50 to 200 acre farms. Mostly my neighbors have horses, or goats, hobby farms with corn, squash, and pumpkins some take their produce to a small farmers market in town to be sold to the locals or those just passing through.

Nellie was home schooled sheltered not by religion but by two really loving and sweet salt of the earth parents. Me, on the other hand was raised by volatile yet loving parents. Their idea of a family barbeque was plenty of beer, farm equipment egging each other on see who could take down a sapling or run over a garbage can with the tractor only to wake up the next morning mad at each other because it was their fault they had to replace said garbage can. I loved my parents but they were what some would call rednecks.

Nellie’s life was sheltered from the crazy side except when we hung out together I was careful not to introduce her to the real crazy side like hiding in the hay loft with Reggie and getting felt up. Underneath the bleachers giving Larry the football star a blow job. Our outings consisted of investigating all the places her parents warned her about. We did talk about sex I did explain in detail what a guy’s thing looked like. She always laughed and said I was pulling her leg; God would not ever make anything that ugly. One day I showed her a picture I took with my Cell phone while Larry was in ecstasy and she said her mom was right, she should wait till she got married because then sex would be special. I am not sure if Nellie believed this is what it looked like when you were having sex out of wed lock and when she got married it would miraculously be transformed into something beautiful. I just left her to her illusions. One thing about Nellie she never judged me after I got pregnant and was sent away to aunt Jeans to have the baby and give it up for adoption. I finished school living at aunt Jeans always keeping in touch with Nellie via the internet, phone calls, and yes snail mail written by hand.

She fell in love, with Guy Richards, a nice guy they did the deed in the back of his truck. She no longer has illusions or maybe she thinks it is her penance for not waiting till marriage. At any rate she told me she loves Guy so much it does not much matter. She always complains though each time friends would gather at their place, which is a small farm not far where she grew up Guy inherited after his parents passed, her complaint is friends of Guy’s have their story, that one or two incidents they let loose and did something crazy. They sit around the campfire and reminisce about the good ol days and Nellie herself does not have a story. She has always wanted her story to tell.

I landed a job as a clerk at a law firm, just greeting people in the lobby directing them to the office of the attorney they came to see, running errands basically the coffee girl gofer. Yet I have some great bosses who are encouraging me to continue my educations, they are pooling their money with the promise if my grades are high they will pay my way. I am going to take them up on it, but before I do I talked to Guy about Nellie wanting her story, he agreed she should have one and he felt comfortable letting me take her on the adventure that would lead to her story.

On the way to the story:

Pulling out of her driveway Nellie told me that she was disappointed that I talked to Guy about her not having her story, but she was also excited.

I understood but I felt that he should be aware of what we were up to seeing that he was her husband; as I told her this she relaxed and asked where we were going.

I said out of town, where no one knows us so that may be she can relax knowing no one will ever see us again.

We started to talk about some of our good old days and the conversation came up we had about Pasties.

This is how the conversation went:

“Paula are those new or used pasties do you think?”

“What Pasties Nellie?”

“The VFW are selling Pasties-are they used ones from strippers?”

“Nellie they are not that kind of pasties”

“There is another kind of Pasties?”

“Yes these are edible pasties.”

“Oh then I would think they are new and not used.”

We both laughed at that which led to the multiple conversations; including the   one about what boys things look like. I asked her if she now realizes it was not penance because she did not wait to have sex till she was married. She said yes she knew that, she asked at confession. The priest cleared his throat and apologized and he could not explain why God chose to sculpt a man in such away but he assured her God does not make mistakes.

By the time we made it to the Bar and Grill I scoped out on the way into town, it is on the outskirts two towns over, bikers and the like hang there. Country music was blaring, as we walked in, couples were necking in the back corners, guys were playing pool, girls, guys together and otherwise were doing the boot scoot boogie, someone yelled put on some real music or I will shoot the damn juke box.

Yes, this place will do, I figure we will be here a couple of hours and Nellie will be ready to go home to reality. Which her reality is not all that bad, nice looking husband who adores her, a 2 year old little boy who looks just like her.

I was wrong, after 3 beers one guy started to buy us shots, I stayed with beer she drank mine and hers. Oh this is not going to end well, I tried to talk Nellie into at least having water along with the shots; she was not having any of it.

She got up staggered to the pool table and put a wager down; the guys started laughing and suggested to wager her body not money. She said fine by her. Oh I should get her out of her, she was not willing to budge. As I recall Nellie is a great pool player, so she started to shoot pool, after the 2nd game one of the guys said she was a hustler, she said she is no whore, he said Not that kind of hustler. Well you know how that conversation went with two drunks. I finally had to step in when she took a swing at one of the biggest guys I had ever seen, he lifted off the floor. Another guy stepped in to save her honor and a full fledge riot broke out and I jumped behind the bar. The police were called, things were sorted out, the big guy and the one who jumped in to save Nellie’s honor was arrested, oh yes so was Nellie.

I followed the patrol car at a safe distance to the police station. At one traffic light there was enough illumination from the street lights I could see into the squad car. Nellie was hanging on to the grate which separated the back seat with the front seat; she looked like a caged monkey swinging. I could not make out what she was screaming but I could hear one of the officers yell, get the fuck down, get back you asshole just then she did a hurl of vomit which went through the grate, took out half of the patrolman’s face because he was turned to her yelling and also half his uniform. I remember saying out loud as we pulled from the light “Whoa Nellie”

I pulled in the stations parking lot, made sure I parked a distance away, not looking forward to calling Guy and telling him he needs to bail his wife out. Nellie still in the back seat and the patrolman were yelling at each other over the patrol car.

“I told you we should not have arrested her, she had a friend in there somewhere; who could have drove her home to sleep it off, but no you were trying to use her as an example. Example of what I no Fucking idea!”

“Fuck you ! You lazy ass did not even want to take the call.”

“I am not getting back in that nasty ass patrol car for the rest of the shift, there are 4 more hours, so you get your macho ass some soap and water and clean it”

“Louie owes us I will roust his ass out of bed.”

“Who the fuck is Louie?”

“Louie who does car detailing, I will roust him out of bed and have him clean it he owes me.”

“Fuck that, you are on your own, I am going inside, shower change my uniform by the time I am done you better be back with something more like we started with.”

At that I walked up and asked if I could take my friend home. It did not look good because they both were so pissed as they whipped their heads in my direction. Luckily they relented and said “Get her the Fuck out of here”

She puked one more time near a tree, then I  took bottles of water which I always carry in an emergency removed her shirt, rinsed her the best I could, threw on a sweatshirt I had in the back. Gave her a bottle of water told her to start drinking; if she was going to throw up I will pull over. We went as far as the closest gas station with a bathroom, washed her up the best I could threw a clean sweatshirt on her, washed her blouse, and then went to a diner for breakfast. After the diner we took the long drive home.

Now she has her story, which I am not sure she wants to tell. She said she would keep it a secret till her son gets old enough in hopes it would dis-sway him for looking to his own story.,

 

 

Abandon (Poem)

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Abandon

Abandon comes in many forms

Renouncing ideas you once believed in

Deserting someone you once loved

 

Forgo any conclusions

Disavow a friend for reasons which matter to you

Discard items no longer useful

 

Yet there is another abandon

This is far superior

Impulsive without restraint

 

Releasing inhibitions

Bursting free of your comfort zone

At any age can be good for the soul

 

Blending abandons theme

Renounce those ideas which hold you back

Release those who have deserted you

 

Burst free of those who disavowed you

Wantonly look to new experiences

Discard judgments of others

 

Become the abandon free spirit

Not the soul which was abandoned

Let it never restrain you again.