Silence in the rain- poem

Silence in the rain

Thunder strikes sending ozone to cleanse

A brief energy brings synergy

At first the rain is soft and silent

Thunder makes the call

Drops fall from the heavens

beckoning a different spirit

The cleansing is strong

Piercing the marrow of the earth

Loss never gives a second chance

Healing only comes within the soft silence

Earthy wet culminating with nature

Sun bakes the dampness allowing it to rise

Arise and shine a new life emerges

These two combined brings renewal

Life disappears into the earth

As the son’s rays brings forth life

Best Friends Chapter 2

Best Friends Chapter 2

The first week after Dale and Ken left Carole moved in and we started our routine in hopes of staving off our want of our husbands. One evening as we were watching TV Carole turned the TV off and said: “ Savannah I have been thinking we should use this time wisely and maybe learn something so when the guys do set up their security business we can play a role.”

Tilting my head I asked: “What exactly are you thinking?”

She said: “I have been checking into what it takes to get a PI license. You need a background in criminal justice as a police officer or a degree. But there is another way and that is working for a licensed PI for up to 5 years. We have 4 years before the guys get back.”

I sat back trying to absorb what she was suggesting. We both have jobs that pay a couple of dollars above minimum wage so this may not be a pay cut.

Would it pay or would we just be free apprentices?” I asked

I checked with a local group. There are two out of an office next to the Catholic Church I approached Don Morris he said we would get paid per assignment.” Carole said

The next day we made an appointment for after work I told Carole it would be nice to be able to do the assignments before or after work. We figured we could arrange our work schedule to accommodate this new venture.

Dressed in jeans and a tee-shirt we sat in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before the door opened to Don’s office.

Ladies come in.” Don said as he motioned for us to sit on the love seat near his desk. There was another man standing to the left near the window he turned and smiled.

Don said: “This is my partner Jack Gibson he will also be handing out assignments. Your assignments will be benign, we will explain procedure especially how to complete your assignments legally.”

We each walked out of the office with an assignment, each assignment paid 20 dollars unless we get exceptional photographs of the person of interest.

My assignment was to find out if a Mr. James Campbell was cheating on his wife. Every Tuesday he is said to be meeting someone at the Carllie Hotel on Main street. We were told to be discrete but not told exactly how to attain photos of our suspect.

I waited in the coffee shop just inside the hotel James Campbell walked in wearing a three piece suit, he went directly to the front desk and walked away with a key card. I got in the elevator with him and saw him go into a room on the second floor. His window would be off the alley which runs alongside the hotel.

I hurried out into the alley, looking up trying to gage where the window would be. There was a dumpster under his window, I climbed atop of the dumpster and realized I would need one more thing to get me close enough to see inside the window. So far as I could see the curtain was still open. I found a plastic tub I threw it on top of the dumpster then used it for that extra I needed to look in. I was concentrating on Campbell I took a couple of shots of the woman on the bed and got off shot of Campbell as he undressed, he was just crawling on top of the woman when I took my last shot that is when I felt the dumpster move. I can not figure how I did not hear the garbage truck backing up. I stepped off the tub slipped and landed on my but as I slid off the dumpster into something that felt like pudding on the ground. When I stood up I realized it was not chocolate pudding but someone had deposited their personal waste there. Shit! Literally!

I scooted my body against the wall hoping to scrape off as much of the shit as I could without touching it with my hands or getting any on the camera. When I came out of the alley I bought a newspaper to set down on the seat of my car. I went home to shower and change before taking the camera back to the office.

Best Friends Chapter 1

Best Friends

Carole and I have been best friends since high school. Neither of us went for higher learning because we believed by the end of high school we knew everything we needed to know.

When I married Dale, Carole was my maid of honor when she married Ken I was her matron of honor. My wedding was a simple justice of the peace hers was a big bash with the church and reception. At Carole’s reception, we sat in the parking lot of the reception hall drinking wine and laughing about all the dumb things we did in high school.

Do you remember when we lured Kevin into the girl’s bathroom making him believe we would both be eager participants?” Carole asked

I remember the bathroom was filled with girls all hiding in the stalls and when Kevin pulled his pants down all the stall doors opened and the girls in unison said Oooooh Kevin!” I answered

We started to laugh remembering he ran out of the bathroom struggling to get his pants back up and was caught by the principal.

I think we were hard on him,” I said

No, we were not! When he lied to the guys about going all the way with Vanessa and she started to get all the phone calls and cat calls from the guys, he deserved the humiliation. We stepped in so he was not put on the list for perverts.” Carole said

I looked down at my glass and noticed something floating in it.

I yelled: “Oh my Gawd there is an ant floating in my wine!”

Carole laughed and said: “Darn I wish I would have gotten to know her before her untimely demise.”

I laughed and said: “Carole you’re weird!”

She nodded her head and said: “I know right?”

Both of our husbands had known each other from grade school, they understood Carole’s and my relationship. Dale and Ken had a similar connection they were both warriors at heart and they were constantly competing with each other.

One evening after work we were all sitting in the backyard drinking beer, decompressing. Dale was the one who broached the subject with us girls.

Girls, Ken and I want to talk to you about something we have decided we wanted to do. We both want to join the Marines.”

My beer was midway to my lips when I looked over at Dale, tears were stinging my eyes and I said: “Why?”

I love you Savannah, all I could think about was that I wanted to marry you. Now I am thinking about our future. In the Marines, I can learn more about defense and security, Ken and I want to start our own consulting firm one day. Being a Marine will be the beginning of our credentials.” Dale said

We know the money will not be the same as what we are bringing in right now but when we finish our 4-year tour things will change for the better if you girls will hold down the fort while we are gone you will see this is a good decision,” Ken said

I did not like it but at the end of the evening, I could tell they already made up their minds. The only good thing to come out of this was Carole moved in the house with me to help with the payments while the guys were gone.


The Leaf – Conclusion

The Leaf Chapter 2

Charlie called today asking if I would like to go out for dinner. I said no. I am not sure why I have been pulling away from him. Nothing has changed I know I am in love with him yet I sit here by the window crying as the rain pelts the glass wishing I could remember what my grandmother whispered in my ear to make me feel better.

Music played in the background of my thoughts, a serenade of notes I used to enjoy considering they used to be uplifting but at this moment it sounds more like a dirge. It has been a year to the day Kyle was taken from me. Our music we used to dance to with every intention of culminating our lust now sounds more of a cosmic longing. I want my Kyle back yet I feel guilty for loving Charlie. What was it my Grandmother whispered in my ear I need to hear it again, I need to feel the comfort of her breath on my skin and the words of comfort.

There are no bright lights on in the house only a lamp on the table next to the chair I am sitting on. It is autumn the rain is still pelting the window, a car pulls into my driveway at the same time an oak leaf drops from the old oak tree and sticks to the window. The car lights illuminate the leaf long enough for me to see each vein and the graduated color of fall etched upon the thin veil of the leaf. My soul is stuck to the window understanding the leaf’s loss. I felt as though the rain was pelting against my soul.

Footsteps pulled my attention to the front door as the hand used its fist to intrude on my thoughts all decorum said I should get up and answer the door.

I forced myself to get up and answer the door. Charlie stood dripping wet with Chinese food in his hand. His smile was tenuous when he said: “I hope wine goes well with Chinese I am not in the mood for Shoji .”

I smiled despite myself while Charlie took his wet coat off and shoes I placed the food and wine on the dining room table. When I turned Charlie was at the CD player placing a CD into the slot. An old Bonnie Rait song came on ‘Let’s give them something to talk about.’

I walked over to Charlie he leaned in and whispered ‘ No matter what Madison I will always love you.’ I started to cry uncontrollably Charlie held me and asked: “Why are you crying?”

I said: “Ever since Kyle was taken from me I have been trying to remember what my grandmother used to whisper in my ear when I was upset. She would always say, ‘no matter what Madison I will always love you’ It always made me feel better.”

The Leaf Chapter 1

The Leaf


Today I moved furniture in my home and in my life. It is symbolic not just the need to clean in the corners although there are webs in my heart and my mind. I was there when he needed help to go to the bathroom. I was there when he took his last breath. I was there while the hospice nurse checked for a pulse and made the call that took him from me. I was there numbly watching as they descended the stairs and took him from our home.

I stood at the top of those stairs for the longest time trying to remember what my grandmother whispered in my ear when I had colic and would not stop crying. She whispered in my ear the same thing each time I cut or bruised myself. I searched within my memory just for the slightest remembrance of that special whisper that always gave me comfort. Why can’t I remember?

The cloth in my hand is soiled to the point of needing to be replaced; yet I cling to it and continue cleaning, not convinced I am accomplishing anything yet I cling. Finally after 8 hours of moving, arranging, and pitching things I believe I accomplished only one thing, emptiness. Shopping is the first thing which came to mind, yet I know the mere purchase of a new item will not fill the void I feel I need a change in my nest. This house used to be a home but to me now it is only a nest. A home you plan on staying in a nest is easily left by the wind beneath a wing.

It has been a year since Kyle crossed over to his new home and yet some evenings I sit tensing my soul trying to listen for that voice that kept the bad dreams away. What did my grandmother whisper in my ear?

Someone new has come into my life; this excites me and scares me all at the same time. I had the best of the best with Kyle no one could live up to what we had together, the good and the bad in each of us seemed nothing compared to what the world pressed against us we stood together stronger than any storm that came our way.  This new man seems distant yet close as though he is waiting to see if I am going to make a home with him or a nest. I really don’t know. I do know I am in love with him and at the same time, I don’t want to be in love with him. My confusion is what keeps him distant no matter what positive, loving things I say and do he knows my heart is not in it all the way. My toes are in the water but I am not ready to swim the current might be too strong this time.

In the Darkness

Within the realm of possibilities darkness only hinders true sight. Those areas in the day light are bright and substantially relevant. When darkness falls especially within one’s soul there is were evil meets its prey. I never really considered good and evil being relevant to me until I looked into the eyes of a stranger. I was on my way to work the traffic was lite as I slowed to stop at a light an arm appeared through my passenger window opening the door and climbing in with a gun in its hand. He pointed at me and told me to just drive. Tears stung my eyes fear gripped my entire body; I just drove. I looked at the clock it was 8:30 am when this man changed my life irrevocably. As I drove the car, my eyes searched for someone who was looking in my direction. I was hoping I could find a way to signal someone that I needed help. Everyone was focused on their own directional lives no one looked my way. As we were exiting the city the road became less and less populated. The man did not say a word I could smell his sweat and feel the evil lurking just below the surface.

After an hour he told me to turn right at the next road; I did what I was told without a word. The road ended abruptly, I stopped. He reached over and grabbed my hair after releasing my seat belt he dragged me across the seat and pulled me out of the passenger side door.
I focused on making my body limp hoping to keep him from hurting me and tiring him out. It did not tire him it only infuriated him. He screamed: “Stop resisting! Get on your feet and start walking until I tell you to stop.

I kept walking, stumbling a few times my body was weak with fear. We came to what looked like an abandoned mine. He pushed me harshly inside; there was a table with chairs to one side, a large bed near the back wall. He told me to go lay on the bed. I did what I was told all the while crying. My heaving body was aching for my husband. The man came over and with scissors, he removed my clothes. I do not know how long I laid there completely naked, my tears had subsided as though there were no more left to be shed instead I became angry nearly to the point of rage. When the sun went down the cave became cold, damp and dark. He threw a blanket over me. By this time he had burned my clothes. He offered me food which  I declined I was afraid I would not be able to hold anything down. Soon after it became dark he lit some candles, removed his clothes and proceeded to rape me all night.

Finally, his groping and grunting were replaced by snoring. I slowly lifted myself out of the bed the candles gave off an eerie hue. I found his shirt and socks which covered most of me. With all the self-control I could muster I search for my purse. I finally realized I will have to go without it. I took one of the candles in hopes it would light the path long enough for me to find my car. At this very moment, I was glad I had dated a guy who used to steal cars he taught me to hot wire a car.

I stumbled and fell over what I thought was a rock I burst into tears realizing it was my purse. I grabbed it, got up and started to run towards where I thought the car was. I suddenly remembered I had a small flashlight in my purse. As I was running I was rummaging through my purse and finally came up with the flashlight. I stopped to catch my breath when I heard breathing behind me. I was not going to turn around. I did not want to look at his face again. I grabbed my cell phone dialed 911 the operator came on asked me how she could assist me. Breathlessly I told her of my situation. She asked what my location was. I told her the best I knew and said that my abductor was closing in and that I made it to my car. I was searching for my keys when an arm came inside my window holding my keys. I screamed, “Please help me!” I took my fist and hit his wrist the keys dropped to the floor. As I reached down he reached for my hair and grabbed it. I took the keys and plunged them into his right eye. His scream sounded like a wounded animal as he cursed I withdrew the keys and started the car. In my panic, I drove forward instead of putting it in reverse. That was a stroke of luck I hit him, backed up and ran over him again and again. I do not know how many times I ran over him by the time I finally stopped screaming and rocking the car over his lifeless body it was day light. I heard someone call out but I could not make out what they said. Suddenly a hand reached through my window and pulled the keys out of the ignition I turned ready for another fight when I realized it was a police officer.

My husband was at the hospital when they brought me in. I was so glad to see his handsome face. All I did was cry out his name. That was 5 years ago I still cannot burn a candle without remembering that horrid night.



Sin Tastes Good Chapter 4

Sin Tastes Good Chapter 4

A meeting was set up for all the girls, Jason and his dad with a mediator and each family were asked to bring an attorney with them. The atmosphere was tense everyone knowing that what we say could be used against anyone of us. The kids just sat smugly pouting as though the adults were out of control. Except for Jennifer, she seemed to be embarrassed. 

The Mediator entered the room and sat at the long table we were sitting at. Andy and I decided not to bring an attorney nor did Fred Beck, but the other girl’s parents each had an attorney with them. 

The Governor was the first to speak: “ I get boys will be boys I also know that sometimes that phrase is taken too far. With that said girls will be girls each one had their expectations I just want to get to the truth of the matter and know for sure what part Jason played in all this.”

To make an already long story short the facts did not come to surface until after the two parents who brought their attorneys took matters to court. Jason had made a bet with the others on the football team that he could do every cheerleader in the school. His insistence was not for want of sex but wanting to be the conqueror. This revelation pissed off Jennifer enough that she said she wanted to be a nun. 

I went to counseling with Jennifer hoping to meet with some of my demons once and for all. I found out I did not have demons just was as promiscuous as my daughter with no remorse. I guess it is a plus for Andy that I am insatiable, I had to deal with a daughter with the same lack of inhibition.

The other three girls went on to college one became an attorney, another a psychologist and last but not least one became an illegal pharmacist (drug dealer) Jason followed in his father’s footsteps and became our state’s attorney. Jennifer thankfully gave us 2 grandchildren and both boys. I was relieved. 

Sin Tastes Good Chapter 3

Sin Tastes Good Chapter 3

Andy was the first to speak: “Fred, the encounter between Jennifer and Jason was consensual that does not mean we approve but that is the facts as we know it.”

Fred sat back in his chair, took a breath, I thought he was either ready to vomit or throw his beer at Andy. Jennifer spoke up immediately noticing the change in Fred’s behavior.

“Mr. Beck, first I want to say I know you are upset and afraid that Corey was wronged. I know Corey we are in three classes together and also are on the same debate team. Jason has a following, he is handsome, smart, football player and his dad is important. Corey and the two other girls would talk about Jason in the locker room after gym class. Their conversations were no different than any other girl who wanted to marry into an established important family. I know the three girls talked big but they were not ready for the follow through. When Jason invites a girl to the other side of the fence he makes his intentions clear. I am not sure what Corey or the other girls expected but Jason had expectations and he is always clear as to what he wanted. Once Jason believes he made himself clear and the girl goes with him, he expects his expectations to be met.”

Fred was livid when he said: “Are you saying Corey asked for it?”

Jennifer answered: “No sir I believe Corey is nieve and Jason had expectations. He probably thought Corey was being a tease. I know what I am going to ask will sound insensitive but sir I know Jason was there penetration or just angry groping?”

I was stunned by what Jennifer was saying. This was the first time I could not read my husband. Fred just sat there not saying a word. Finally, he asked for another beer. 

I grabbed three this time and gave Jennifer a cup of coffee. Jennifer noticed the tears in my eyes and said: “Sorry mom I promise I will never do anything like this again.”

My heart ached and hope she would keep that promise. 

I sat down next to Andy. Andy told Jennifer to come to the table so we could talk this over. Fred admitted that groping was all that happened Corey’s clothing was ripped she felt violated. He said he would ask the other two girls if this was the case.

Andy suggested:”I believe all of these teens need counseling including Jennifer. This is out of control going beyond the normal teenage quest to be adults before they are ready.”

Jennifer stiffened when she heard her dad say this and she knew Andy never says anything that he does not mean. 

I thought: “Brace yourself little girl life is going to change drastically for you.”

Andy excused himself from the table grabbed the phone and came back to the table to sit down. He searched for a phone number on Google and dialed. 

Andy said: “Chief Mason please, this is Andy Fournier, Jennifer’s dad.”

Chief Mason came on the line Andy proceeded to tell Chief Mason what Fred Beck had told us he also added the things Jennifer had said about the girls and about Jason. Chief Mason said he would speak with the Governor and ask how he would like to proceed. When Fred left he agreed to speak with the other two families and see if they are on board with our solution.  

Sin tastes good Chapter 2

Sin Taste Good Chapter 2

New developments

The next day we were contacted by the father of a girl Jennifer went to school with he had asked if he could come over and have a chat with us. Andy took the call and agreed to a conversation that neither of us knew what the subject was going to be.

Andy answered the door when Fred Beck knocked as he walked his shoulders were slumped but his head was up and his eyes fierce.  I knew instinctively this man was under a great deal of strain. He sat down and I asked if he would like a cup of coffee he asked for something stronger.

I brought him and Andy a beer we sat at our dining room table and waited for Fred to tell us what he needed from us. 

Fred took a pull from the beer, giving it a moment to hit bottom before he began the tale of what happened to his daughter Corey. It seems Governor Clark’s son Jason has a way with the girls but not the sort of easy way as he had with Jennifer it seems Jason would lure the girls to a secluded place and demand being pleasured or he would not take them back to the main road. The girls would accept the invitation because Jason is on the football team and his father is the Governor. Prestige is an aphrodisiac to some but a lure to others. 

Jennifer was sitting on a stool at our counter listening to the conversation. To her credit, she did not say anything she just listened. 

After Fred filled us in on all the gory details which included two other girls that had a similar experience he was hoping Jennifer would lend her story to this fray to add credibility to their assertion that Jason was a predator.

Sin Tastes Good Chapter 1

Sin Tastes Good


I have heard the old saying The Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence. When I was a young girl I played leap frog with the neighbor boys, while they were just above me I would reach and touch. The boys would scream like girls but I knew they loved it because they kept coming back for more. Yes, I knew it was wrong I was brought up to be a good Catholic girl but idle minds are the workshop of 10-year-old girls.

In my teens I was a tease, not wanting to lose my virginity but loving the thrill of the feel up foreplay. Looking back I was lucky none of the guys pushed further, I am guessing they were as inexperienced as I was. Amusing as all that was by the time I made it to college I wanted more, alcohol gave me the nerve. Sure enough, after a couple of beers, I was stripping down and ripping the guy’s clothes off as well. Birth control was cheap and easy to get. I made jokes that I should buy stock in condoms and birth control pills.

Now that I am married and a mom some of my adventures have come back to haunt me by way of my own daughter’s proclivity to the taste of sin. Is this self-destructive behavior in her DNA? I never asked my mom about her conquests or if she was pre-dispositioned to the same behavior. May be it started with me and this is my karma. I try to analyze these latest events to no avail.

My husband and I walked into the police station by now they know us by our first names. At this stage, I do not know what to do with my daughter Jennifer she was brought here because she seduced the Governor’s son into performing oral sex on her in the park near their school. Jennifer is 13. We found out last time she was getting her birth control from the school nurse. The school contacts you if your child has a headache and wants an aspirin but they say nothing about birth control because the child has the right to privacy.

Jennifer was seated on a bench outside the Chief of Police office I could hear a male voice yelling. When the man emerged from the office his face was beet red with fury. I guess the Governor was pissed.

My husband Andy sat on one side of Jennifer I sat on the other.

Andy asked: “What the hell were you thinking Jennifer?”

Jennifer answered: “He asked for his first I demanded my happy ending which just finished as the police officer approached. We would not have been caught if the shit did not protest five minutes before he gave me my turn.”

I said: “Jennifer! How callous of you!”

Jennifer said: “Oh please mom don’t tell me you didn’t do the same things but may be worse you just did not get caught.”

Ouch, Karma just struck me between the eyes, now what? She was right my shock was not in her behavior nor her cavalier response but there was an edge to her response that put me on notice. She did apologize profusely for being rude, Jennifer has always been respectful and sweet, not perfect but at least she respected authority. Her attitude about these events came out of left field and that I took notice of as did Andy.